"_______________________________"

It's not easy living my life.

There is always something that will upset me.

There is always something I'll cry about.

There is always something I could blame myself because mostly, when I do make a mistake, which is often, I blame myself and somehow I couldn't forgive myself for even how little that mistake was. 

I scold myself mentally that sometimes breaking down seems like a habit.

Yes, there are times when I thought of ending my life but I can't. I couldn't. Because it's not right.

So, I expect that maybe someday I would fall asleep and never wake up. That's all I can hope for anyway.

But when I do wake up, I guess it's not my time yet and I have no right to take away my life for it was given freely as a gift. 

And with all the wrong things I've done, do you think I have the right to end my own life? No.

So here I am.

Alive and kicking.

Sobering with puffy eyes and a reddish nose.

Pouring out my feelings on my blog because right now...I couldn't even talk to my parents, my relatives, my best friend, and my close friends because they are all busy without me, which I dare not ask for their time and attention. Who am I to ask anyway?

I though writing could ease the pain, it did. A bit. Just a bit. I thought writing would give me some sort of enlightenment.

But I couldn't think of a solution for my problem, which is me.

...So what do I do now?