23 on 23

ah...yes, its my birthday today.

I'd like to blog about because it's kinda funny and could only happen once in my life that on December 23, 2010, I, Katherine Genn G. Guerra, turned 23.
I guess you can say I'm into even the small details in my life...even on birth dates.

But.

The truth is I'm not actually happy today.

There are times in our lives we become nostalgic. That one of those times was today.

We reminisce of our past and think of the good stuff that happened. And the bad stuff as well.

Mostly, the bad. I wanted to forget about ‘em but it feels…inevitable.

It’s like I haven’t really live my life to the fullest. They said so, its fine. I’m still young. Really? Then why do I feel so old but with a childish mind though? Is that the definition of being young?

Or is the definition of being young means older people get to say that to you because they’ve been where you are right now and that gives them the privilege to say you’re still young because they’re older?

The thing is, let’s say I am young. Still young. But I feel like I have wasted some of my time not doing things that I should be doing. Don’t get me wrong.

What I’m saying is, there are things that I would want to do, good things, but I haven’t started any of ‘em (well at least I have started blogging again, that’s a start). I don’t know where to begin; I know for a fact if I do those things I might help other people as well in some way.

My mind tells me “Hurry up already! You’re wasting too much time! There’s a lot to do! Trucs A Faire!!! Trucs A Faire!!!”

But where to begin? Where do I start? Too many things and too much negativity, too.

I just discovered recently that I have been negative almost all of the time especially when I tried to do things or start to do things. No wonder I never get to finish the projects I made even when I was still in grade school. My school projects were never passed on time or they were never passed at all. I was always late for something. Late bloomer, I guess.

How come I have become negative all of these years? I don’t think I could trace the genesis of my negativity but I’m sure hoping I could keep it at bay. My negative habits do feed on my reasons.

I have my reasons why I feel so $#!++y in my life.

I’m tardy.

I’m irresponsible.

I’m tamad.

Those are just three. There’s more but stating it all in here might cost you to stop reading my post.
Those are reasons but I can never say they’re valid.

Just typing this all in, assessing myself seems to lighten the burden in my heart that I’m feeling the past few days.

So there, this writer is not so happy with her 23 years of living and although I’m not afraid of dying…but do I want to die like this?

I don’t know when will be my last day on earth. So yeah, I should keep reminding myself, if this was my last day on earth, what would I do? Would I feel that it’s too late to do anything or do I go on a leap of faith that maybe, just maybe, that last day wouldn’t go to waste? My hearts chooses the latter.

So by the 24 of December, tomorrow…I hope I’m still alive. I hope I could blog about it so that I might try to inspire you some of the good stuff that I’ll be learning. I hope I won’t be wasting much of my time anymore. I hope there’s still time for trucs a faire!

(btw, trucs a faire means ‘things to do’)

I really do hope I’ll wake up early too. I’m going to a special event tomorrow, even better than a birthday! ^_^